A Bad First
I’ve always struggled with the first of things. The first part of the day. The first blog post. The first idea.
A lot of it is perfectionism. I have a hard time putting something into existence unless it can exist perfectly. (Does perfect exist?) If it does, then I have to get there, but until then I will put out nothing. Because nothing isn’t perfect, but it isn’t imperfect. Know what I mean?
The other part of it is the finishing. The first part is only the start of something else, something big. And once I start I have to finish that big thing. Finishing big things requires time, energy, motivation. I often have barely one of these three at any given time. And also the whole big thing should also be perfect. So, I don’t start.
Storytime: One of my client's daily demons is figuring out what to feed her kids for dinner. It’s that mental task that brought her into these repeated cycles of panic —> freeze —> order take out —> shame (Disclaimer, there is no inherent shamefulness in ordering takeout. It just wasn’t aligned with her goals). So in a recent kitchen coaching session, we were working together to create a list of options for that evening’s dinner. I asked her to throw an idea out there. Her reply– I don’t know.
She’s prepared dinner for her kids before. And we’ve prepared some meals together that would work as dinners. But she felt in that moment that she didn’t have a good first option.
A clarification was needed. We were making a list of options. Not a list of good options. So let’s start with a bad first.
lollipops from halloween
frozen dinner and fruit
chicken with store bought sauce
pasta with the chicken with the store bought sauce
Now we have a list and we’ve given ourselves some avenues to disrupt the cycle that hasn’t been helpful. Sure, lollipops might not be a better choice than take out, but we’re creating movement where we were previously experiencing freeze. And we can continue to move towards where we want to go.
Maybe you’re also experiencing freeze in a panic-driven dinner routine or in hosting your first dinner party or trying a new recipe you might mess up. Can you do a bad first job? What if I dared you?
In that vein, here’s to the first post of Tips & Tales for the Tired & Hungry. I’m comfortable with the idea that it’s a total dud (but feel free not to tell me that). Thank you for reading and I hope you stick around for more to come.
With lots of warmth and loads of care,
Jamie-Claire
